I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
