I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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