Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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