I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
