so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
