i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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