there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.