My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.