do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
