She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
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Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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