I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
