I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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