Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
