I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
