i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
