You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
