hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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