When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
