Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
