you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
