And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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