apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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