Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
