I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
