Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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