Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
