I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
