No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
