Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How does one acquire holy water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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