You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
