Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
