OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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