If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
