Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
