I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
