Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
