next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
