Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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