i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
