That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
