Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
