just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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