My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
