True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
