I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
