You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
