I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize