Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she woke up with a sticky ear
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize