By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
