Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
