If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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