i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
