Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
