Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
