You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
