me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
