Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
