well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
