plz talk dirty to me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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