i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
