Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
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GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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