Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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