fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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