dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
