Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
