do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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